PRIMER COURSE IN ELECTRONIC WEAPONRY AND ORGANIZED STALKING TECHNIQUES FOR THE RIGHT TEAM PLAYERS
GOT A BIG MOUTH KNOW-IT ALL IN YOUR TOWN WHO UNWITTINGLY MAKES YOU FEEL LIKE THE MORON YOU REALLY ARE? WELL, THAT CERTAINLY ISN'T FAIR, IS IT? BUT DON'T FRET. HELP IS ON THE WAY! WE CAN HELP YOU STICK IT TO HIM! AND ALMOST LEGALLY!
I was just one more unemployed local retard sitting around watching porn and playing with myself, but now I get a cool weekly $100 Walmart Gift Card and a free cellphone just for following some dirty rotten commie racist pedophile terrorist (hey, that's what they told me) around in my handler's car! For only three or four hours a day! God bless America! And pass that joint! And that ho! Thank God for DHS torture campaigns! To think: I used to be JUST LIKE YOU!
Gomer Greene, "official" Tool of the State