Tired of having to toe the line doing real, honest work in the private sector? Aw c’mon, we all know that’s not going to last for you. You’re a mediocre idiot. We understand. But don’t fret. Sign up NOW, and supplement your meager income with a hot, cool, weekly $100 gift card from one of our local corporate sponsors of (Domestic Terrorism) Community Watch programs. Why, some of your largest local supermarket outlets boast of dozens  of retarded gang-stalking “rehabilitated” psychopaths on the payroll!

Just think: Now you can assist police, firefighters, EMT techs, sanitation workers . . . just about EVERY dirty city employee who’s already in on the treasonous OSEH (*) action! Hey, all it takes is just one call from Mr. Grim on your BRAND NEW SMART PHONE (one of many perks after you enlist), and you can join the rest of our brainwashed bumbling knuckleheads as they stalk and torture—-with great braggadocio and little humanity—-helpless old ladies and burnt out indigents among others. It’s right up your alley, you emotionally stunted overgrown schoolyard bully! Join the Cockroach Parade NOW, fumble-bum!

(*) OSEH : Organized Stalking/Electronic Harassment. But didn’t you already know that, Monkey Balls?)